Focus on me

I started this blog many years ago so I could figure out who I was, and what I wanted. But just as soon as I started that quest, a lot went on that pretty much put me on the back burner again.  Grown kids moving home with their families for many different reasons and then try to make a business work, that was just not working.

I have discovered that when things are not working I spend money on projects that I do not end up doing. I think in my mind, buying the stuff to do the project was like doing it, and I kept buying stuff for my beading business, even though I was not getting any sales and it was spending money that I was not going to get back. I found I would buy plants for the back yard but they would live out their sad lives in the containers I bought them in and never ended up in the ground.

Why was I doing these things ? Why was I buying projects that I never did ?

I really cannot honestly  answer that question. I am still trying to figure it out. Best I can think is, in my mind, if I bought the project it was an intention to do something. I had a lot of intentions, but none got done. I suppose that really is what I was doing. A big waste of time and money. Intentions are no good when not followed through with action.

I decided to end my jewelry business. I found myself selling less and less each month and year. I kept buying more and more stuff trying to make it work, lots of intentions. The problem was, my desire was starting to wane, I was not passionate about the jewelry any longer, but could not admit it to myself. I had worked too long to just give up, despite nothing getting better. I signed up to sell my stuff in a cabinet downtown, right next to the register, and I made a bit over the holidays, but Jan and Feb, hardly any sales at all. Feb are under 15 bucks for the month.  It was a mistake, I should not have done it, but I just could give up on my dream .

I am done. I am tired. I just do not want to do it any longer. I love doing projects with friends, and family, and custom orders, they are fun and exciting, but just designing things to sell, I do not want to do it any longer. I made so many things for Christmas and Valentines day for the store, and few of them sold. Very disappointing. I wish I had not done it, but I am stuck until the end of May. I have to pay three more months. I have added a lot of knick knacks to the cabinet, and those have not sold either. So, I am just going to wait it out. I am sure the shop owner is frustrated with me, but I have no heart for it any more. She has me in a contract so I am stuck, my fault, not hers, and if I am not changing things up like she wants to keep it fresh, I do not know what to tell her. No matter how often I rearrange, nothing is selling. It is hard to get excited about it any more. I should not have rented the cabinet, and now I am paying the 40 bucks a month penalty. Could be worse I suppose !!!

So, now, I am going to start my personal journey again. Try to figure out who I am, what I want to do , and how I want to do it. Some things in my life are great. My marriage, and family, our home. But me personally, I have never had enough time to myself to really figure out what I want. I will start on the process and then I am back picking up kids from school, or baby sitting again. I go back on the shelf . It is hard for grown  kids to understand, when they need the help, that you are tired  and in your mid  fifties you really do not want to pick up kids at school any more. It is hard for them to not take it personal, but when my husband has week days off and is not happy about it, it puts me in the middle too. So, I have to get my kids to figure out what they are going to do.

I have to get my self back, and get weight off, and figure out what I want to do now that I am all grown up. Now that our kids are all grown up too. I need to find me.

I am going to make it my mission to get it figured out.

I need to eat better and exercise , I am through menapause and putting myself at risk for heart disease and with metabolic syndrome, other diseases as well. I eat from stress , and I eat from frustration and when I get down.

It is time for me to take care of myself and do the right things to be healthy.

So, I am back here starting the search again , and determined to find myself and figure out what it is I want to do and need to do to be happy with myself !!!

Life is good these days !!

I have to say I have been really enjoying life these days. Miss my hubby a lot as he is working a lot of overtime, but I have been keeping busy and really enjoying this stage of my life.

We recently started a low carb diet due to us both having severe sensitivity to wheat and we both have lost all our symptoms and feel better, no real weight loss yet but I am learning to bake and cook wheat and carb free and it has been a lot of fun. I never knew you could bake low carb and have stuff that tastes great, so that has been fun !!

My etsy site is getting more posts every day, I am pleased to be seeing more items in my store, still a very , very, long way from where I am looking to be, but I can only list so many a day and there is so much to list  and still to photograph , let alone bag and label, it is a a bit overwelmeing but exciting too !! My desk is piled with the stuff I plan to do tomorrow, a bit ambitious, but we will see   !!! I have buckets of stuff to still do, so it will take a few months of lots  of hours per day and week, but I am really excited to do it !!

I want to work on some writing projects but my old computer , where they live, is not  hooked up to the printer so I am a bit stuck and I am old fashioned and will not write unless I can print out the new material for paper back up, so I am sure that will get taken care of this weekend  !!  It seems like I am going all day and I need to get more focused but I will get there and get a nice schedule in place and go from there !!

So, busy life, but happy life, blogging, writing, my photography when possible,  listing on Etsy, playing with the beads and buttons getting them ready to sell,  spending time with my hubby and when we get a chance our kids and grand kids, visiting with friends when possible and by phone when not possible and a pile of good books when I am ready to take a break, let alone a pantry full of new baking ingrediants for our new life style !!  Life is pretty darn good these days and I am just getting started !!  Can’t wait to see what I come up with next, it should be good !!!

Here is that pile for tomorrow , a bit overly ambitious, I have to say, lol !!! I say aim high and see where you land, if you aim too low you might hit the target but not do as much as you would have if you aimed a bit too high and missed  !!!

The best is yet to be

I was given something to think about today while watching The View. I had never really thought a lot about it , but something said by John Ramsey made me think.  After losing his six year old daughter Jon Boni fifteen years ago, and then his wife seven years ago  , he was asked if he still had the  good years ahead of him.

Wow, what a thing to ask yourself !! Are the good years still ahead of me ? 

When we are young we have so much to look forward to. Getting through grammer school, going to middle school, and then going to high school. Your first date, learning to drive, getting your license, getting a car, getting your first job, graduating high school. Possibly going to college and then graduating. Meeting the right person, gettting engaged, getting married, buying a house, having your babies, moving up in your career ,  all this is ahead of you.

One day you wake up. Your kids are grown. You may even own a house. You may even have grandkids. What is left to look forward to ? Are the best days behind you at that point ? Especially for us stay at home moms who never pursued a career. What in the heck is left to look forward to as a personal goal now ? Haven’t we reached all the miles stones we get in life ?

I had thought some about that. Obviously that is why I started this blog. But never in those terms. Are the best years ahead of me, or behind me ?  I think it really depends on you.

If you think, okay, thats it. I am done, there is nothing left to look forward to in my life. Just exist until I die, then that is probably what will happen and you might not live a very long full life.Or it might seem very long because you are so unfullfilled and bored stupid.

But if you say, okay. The obvious milestones have been met, but I am going to find new ones and find out who I am and what I want now that I have finished my very  important work of raising my kids, that will give you a completely differant perspective and therefore a differant view of life. 

There is no obvious physical differance between people with those two seperate attitudes, both start from the same place,  butonce that question is answered  the spiritual, mental and physical life of those two people are completely differant based on how they answer it.

If you believe with all your heart you can set new milestones and build a new life then you can do that.

Go back to school, start a new career. If you have never worked, get a job you enjoy or start a business of your own.

What do you love to do ? What excites you ? That is where we need to start.

I am so excited now that I heard John Ramsey say that today. Now I know what I need to do.

I need to set goals for myself so I can build a wonderful future for myself.

Now, many people will say, what about my spouse ? Where do they fit in to this ? Well, they do and they don’t. They do in that they are your spouse and the most important person in your life and what you do impacts them. But they cannot be responsible for your happiness and you cannot be responsible for thiers. But, if you are in a great relationship , if you find what makes you really happy, it cannot help but make your relationship happier too.  Maybe it will inspire them to find what they want to do as well.

I am blessed to have a husband who encourages me to try new things and always supports my efforts and I do the same for him.  I cannot wait to have this discussion with him but unfortunately he is in bed sick , and sound asleep !! I think it is a wonderful discussion for everyone to have with thier partners or spouse, or friends or both  .

Now it will not be easy. It will take work. But at least we know WHY we are doing it. I want to have an exciting and fun life and be able to enjoy the many years ahead of me now that our kids are grown and out on thier own. It is our time to explore our relationship  as well, and really build a new one. We are not Mommy and Daddy anymore, but Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa.  We can now , for the first time ever in 30 years, put ourselves first !! How wonderful !!

But while my husband  has a job and skills he has built over these past 3o years, I have been home with our kids and grandkids. So, now I have to step out of my safe little box and find out what I want to do. I have to really figure out what it is I am passionate about, what I can  see myself doing for the next half of my life and what I can build my new goals around.Yes, I did say the next half of my life. I am only 51 and only consider myself  only half way through my life , and it will be a great second half !!

It will not be an overnight thing. I will  have to dig and explore and figure it out. But now I do know I want to have the best years ahead of me, which means they will be pretty damn good. I have had a great life so far. Amazing husband, wonderful kids who have given us wonderful families to love in our in law kids and grand kids. 

The bar has been set pretty high, but I am worth it and life is worth it. I want to be busy and happy and fullfilled each day. I want to get out of bed excited about my day and  looking foward to what I am going to try today.

So, if you want it, the best is yet to be, and you can have the life of your dreams, it is NOT all over for you.  You just have to want it bad enough !!!  If you believe in yourself, you can make the second half even better then the first !! It is all up to you !!!!

A new adventure

My husband and I have been married over 30 years now and have raised four kids. Our  youngest is 22 and on  his own for a few years now.

We would have been empty nesters these past few years but for the fact that two months before he moved out our oldest daughter and her family moved into our home, joining us in Texas from Calif. This Aug will be three years and it has been such a blessing to have them here. We missed them so much the eight years we were here and they were still there, and it is still such a wonderful feeling to have them here !!

Now that they both have jobs and are ready to be on thier own the obvious next step would be for them to move out and get thier own place, the original plan.

Well, plans have changed and we decided to move out and let them take over the house and pay the payment as rent, which is a win win for all of us. They get a much larger home for the same price as a much smaller rental would go for in this area and we can move up to the Dallas area, closer to work so   my husband  does not have to drive an hour anymore. With gas prices going higher and higher and over 20 years until he retires, we want to be closer to work. Gas savings will be fairly significant and paying utilities on an apartment versus a 85 year old house will be much less as well !!

The main motivation is the drive. He can sleep in later and leave later and get home sooner and this move should add two hours to his home time per day. We are so excited !!

So, in 16 weeks, on July 1, we will be moving into our first place alone , ever as when we got married our son was 13 months old and we had lived with our parents passing him back and forth until our wedding day !! So, for the first time ever, we get to live by ourselves and we are gidddy with excitement, as is our daughter and her husband and thier kids,   it is just as exciting for them to get thier own place as well !!

We have an apartment picked out and our move in date set and are just waiting to see where in the complex a untit will be available. We plan to rent for a couple of years, get debt free and save up for a nice down payment on a house up closer to work.

So, we are very excited about this move and  looking forward to starting an adventure at an age when most people are setting in to where they plan to be.

We have a lot to do, but we will have it all done in time. It is just so exciting to be planning a big change and we are like teen agers moving out for the first time !!

I am sure it will be an adjustment living an hour away from everyone, but we will come visit and we plan to have a monthly get together to make our family tacos and play games.

So, I guess we are never too old to start a new chapter and have an adventure.  This is the first chapter of our adventure as part two will be buying a house and moving again, so on to chapter one …. learning what it is like to be an empty nester for the very first time !!