time to be me, getting started finally

I have not posted in a bit, and I have to admit I have not really been doing much of importance lately. I have been getting settled and getting used to my new life, which is very differant from the life I have led for the last 30 years.

I love the apartment. That in itself shocks me. I was kind of afraid I would not adjust well to apartment life, but having a one car garage with our own private stair case that is part of the apartment/ garage, helps a lot. We never use the front door at all. I could put a large potted plant in front of it, lol !! I love that we have t hree doors. A front door, a back door to the garage and a patio door onto our balcony. I love the view. As I sit here typing I feel like I am in a tree house. I look out over a creek and all I see sitting here are the tops of the trees that are at my level. Wonderful. Quiet, serene even. A nice , lovely, homey ,pretty, and comfortable place to figure out who I want to be.

My life has been defined pretty much from the start. Daughter, sister. Than mother, wife, and aunt. Always friend.  But who am I ? I have spent so many years worrying about others, every mom does, but in all that caring and worry over others I feel I got lost in the shuffle somewhere.

I read once to find yourself as an adult, remember what you loved doing as a kid.

I loved to chase butterflies, and catch the millers on the lantana bushes and  catcth grasshoppers and  play kickball in the front yard, but somehow think that is not what they are talking about !!

I always loved art. I remember one time using my moms beautiful book on birds, that had lovely illustration and spending hours copying some of those birds painstakingly with contruction paper.  I loved to draw and color and sing and make up songs. I was always a creative child.

As a teen, I wrote a lot of poems, some short stories and drew a lot. I loved music and dancing and again, was always creative.

How do we lose that side of us ? I got married, our oldest son was at our wedding so I never got a chance to just be a wife, I was mom and wife. I worked the first year and a half until our second child was born and then I had two to take care of and money from the job would not cover day care, so that is when I became a stay at home mom. Nineteen months later came number three and about four years later number four, and I was a  busy mommy !! I did not have time or money for creativity anymore. I was busy all day and could not seem to find the time to write or draw. It slowly got put away.

As they got older I tried with my jewelry but I could never find a good balance. If I created, the house work did not get done, or the house was clean and I did not create, it was a hard line to learn and I never really did figure it out.

Now, my time is my own. My husband is finally on a five day work week  , m -f, so I have all the time I need and the only messes are ours so they are not much to clean up after.  Perfect, time to create again, but I just do not know how to get started !!

So, that is where I sit today. Trying to figure out not only what to create, but when and how. I am still playing with the beads, I love them even if they have not been a good business, but I want to get back to my basics, writing and drawing. I figured posting this is a start !!

I am going to have to take baby steps. I have added new interests over the years, one of them photography which I love.  All I know is creativity makes life worth living.  I am tired of watching tv and seeing other people live, or reading  tons of b logs about other people doing fun things, I still want to watch those shows and read those blogs, I love them, but I want to start  having some fun experiences too !!

We have been here almost three months, time to get moving. That is the plan. I guess like the old saying goes, I will take it one day at a time and see what I come up with. I will try to do something every day, even if it is small and post it here.

Now, gotta think what I want to do first, lol, do not know where to start, but I guess it is time to just jump in and get wet !! I will have to figure it out as I go !!

So, today, this blog post,  and tomorrow I will do something and get myself creating. It is a start and the one thing I do know, is once you start creating, you get the wheel rolling and it gets easier to create , the more  you create !!

So, on to finding me, that has been my goal all along. Just harder than I thought it would be !!

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