I have been looking back at past blog posts, and it is really eye opening for me. Unlike many people, I have documented the many times I have started and stopped diets, giving up caffeine, trying to figure out what I want and so on.
I have really been working to figure out at 61 years old, what in the heck do I want ? Okay, there are obvious answers, health, continued relationships with my wonderful husband , family and friends, but lets take those as a given and take a different look at this.
If I start with the fact that I already have a great life. Wonderful husband, married forty years this coming weekend, November 14 2021 in case you are reading this some time in the future. We share four amazing adult kids, and I am talking 32 years through 41 years old, so established adults . We share 10 grand kids. We have built a lovely life. We have an almost 100 year old house in a cute southern town, and we have an adorable dog who is a really good dog, and we have our basic health, but are both working to get rid of health things that are fixable , and prevent other health things ,so we do have work to do there.
But health aside, relationships and home aside. What in the heck do I want to do with my life ?
I have been struggling with this question for decades and on this blog for about ten years. I am 61 years old. It is time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have no problem assuming I can live to a hundred, that gives me at least 39 years to do stuff, and maybe even get into my hundreds. I just know I am sick of wasting time and going to bed each night, no further along in working on what I want to do. Time is ticking and I do not want to waste any more of it.
I have this blog and several others. I have a couple of YouTube channels. I sell on Etsy, Ebay and Merari. I love to create things from other things, like taking apart jewelry and recreating it into new jewelry, and love to work with seed beads and sequins to make ornaments, but does this stuff really fulfill me ? Are these the things I want to concentrate on, or is there something else ?
Up to now, I have been concentrating on my jewelry and crafting YouTube channel. I have a channel for this blog but it has about 26 subs, and I have not really given it the time it deserves. Vloging is a bit more stressful than showing jewelry and crafts. You are much more venerable .
So, lets start with what I truly love to do. I do love the jewelry and beads and making pretty things, but writing and photography are my true loves honestly. I hate that most of the photos I used for the posts on this blog are NOT mine. Some are, but many are not. I love the written word, I love to sit down and put my thoughts on paper, or on the computer as I am doing now. There is a thrill to that I never find when I make a piece of jewelry. So, that is something I need to make time for in my day. Writing fulfills me in a way that no other creative outlet does.
Sometimes when it comes to creating I experience imposter syndrome. I think a lot of us go through that. You see what other people create and you are blown away. You feel like you are not really creative, and everyone will see that you are not , and it is hard to take compliments when your head is in that space, and you feel you do not deserve those words of praise for accomplishments you feel are not worthy. Other times you can be incredibly proud of something you do. At least these are my experiences and I have heard other creators talk about going through the same thing.
Well, I have worked very hard to build my channel and it is just probably never going to get anywhere near where I dreamed it would , which for the record was not a crazy pie in the sky dream. I had hoped for ten to thirty thousand subs, I am not even to 2 thousand yet, so I have to adjust my expectations. For some reason it is not moving very fast at all . I am not giving up on it. I still love doing it, but have to be realistic that it just might not ever grow that much, and if it does, it is just going to take a lot more time than I expected. It is hard some days to have worked for three and half years and see people start much later than me pass me by quickly. So, I have to figure out why ? What are they doing right that I am doing wrong ? I want to continue to grow my jewelry channel, but I need to work on other things I really love as well.
So, I want to start writing here more often. I will be posting daily about my plant based diet but want to find topics to discuss that interest me and hopefully other people will find those things interesting as well. I actually have a few books I started that I never finished, two of them, not sure I ever will as it has been so long not sure I can pick them back up. I used to write a lot of poetry as well. I also used to draw a lot. Not so much lately.
Photography is another love I have. I adore taking pictures and noticed that the passion for it has been lacking in me lately. I think pushing so hard on my channel and getting things listed took away my joy of playing with my camera. I want to get back to it and have fun taking pictures again. I think I will challenge myself to go out and find things to photograph on our own property, something every day and just post it. They may fall flat, but I think it is an exercise I need to do daily to get back in the practice of taking pictures again. Find my passion for it. I do not want to lose that.
So, anyway, I started this blog around ten or eleven years ago and have seen so many starts and stops and I am really ready to set some goals and just make them happen. As I do that, I will share it here.
Well, plan to post this,using one of my own pictures for the heading and then go out and see what I can photograph.
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