Timetobeme's Blog

When cleaning and organizing our room today, I found dozens of papers and index cards that I have written inspirational things on. I am almost obcessed by writing down any profound insight I hear, and I have so many of these things written down and some stuck to my wall and more piled up. The main theme is believe in yourself, okay, that is simple enough, but many talk about how to stop resisting and allow manifistation and one theme I find in many of them is to stop playing it safe, take chances, but what does that really mean ?

I am a 50 year old housewife/ jewelry designer/ writer, who has never done much that is exciting. I have raised a family and been married for going on 30 years this year. What in the heck does it mean to stop playing it safe? I have no idea what that means in my life ?  How am I supposed to step out of the norm and change the course of my life like many of these cute sayings urge me to do ? I get pictues in my head of travel and tv shows and an office and big city and all that, but that is just tapes playing of things I have seen on tv and movies, what does it mean for me in MY life , that is the question ? How do I take chances in my life ?

As a aspiring jewelry designer, of 20 years, lol, and a life long , but unpublished writer, what in the heck does that mean ? I honestly do not know. What can I do that is outside my norm and is not living safe , but taking a chance ? They do not make that clear when urging you to change your life. I make jewelry and I write. Those are rather benign things that do not entail much risk, and I am frankly just not sure what they want me to do ?

I have never been a risk taker I suppose, I do not jump out of airplains, or ski down mountains or deep sea dive or do any of the things I would imagine are dangerous. I am willing to work hard, and try new things, but they are safe things, writing, crafts, gardening, cooking,  not the sort of thing that would inspire great change I suppose.

I am sure I need to get out of my box somewhat, I do live a very predictable life and it is very safe, that is true.  But how to do it, and what to do, that I do not know.

I suppose maybe trying to do some free lance writing. Taking my jewelry to some consignment stores, those are possibilities I would imagine. But I am not sure that is what they are talking about.

We are told when we do things well, it will be noticed, but I am not sure about that. I think I am a pretty good jewelry designer and I know my items are well made, but twenty years later I am still not selling.

Maybe I am a good designer but not a good sales person, so that makes it hard I suppose to get anywhere . I do not know. All I know is for years I have been franticly writing all these little quotes down and I am not sure what purpose they serve ? I do not think  they have made me any more producive or successful , yet I grab my pen when someone says something profound and write it down and add it to my collection.

The themes are similiar, positive thinking, live your life the way you want, not the way others think you should live it, lose fear and live in love, today is the only day that matters, you should fullfill your own life, not let others fulfill it for you.  Your thoughts are powerful and if you are not thinking the right ones, you can be undermining yourself without even knowing it.

I am just going to stop doing it. Stop writing these things down like they are the cure for whats wrong in my life. No little quote is going to get me where I need to be and they are all cute but really meaningless if they do not show you how to do what they say you should do.

I have to figure out how to  have the life I want, and what I have to do to get that life.

I am very blessed that most of my life is great. Great marriage and kids, and grandkids, and a lovely home we own and my husband has a good job and we are all healthy. . All that said though, I need something that is mine to be successful at. Something that I can lose myself in, really enjoy. Sometimes that is the beads and jewelry and other times it is my writing and other times it is playing on the computer or watching tv. I have no set driving force right now. I am kind of adrift I suppose. Distracted and unable to find true focus in my life , or a purpose as they say again on all these cards.

So, I have learned one thing today, little cute sayings on index cards or pieces of paper are just that. Cute little sayings on index cards or paper. They have no power and cannot change my life. I have to do that and I have to figure that out for myself. That is why I started this blog, to have a place to vent and talk and find out about me.

I do believe in postive thinking, and watching what we think because it can affect our lives, but how many times do I have to have that kind of thing in a book or on a paper written down, I already get it. I know I have to show up for my life, but I am still figuring out what exactly that means, because I am here, where else would I be ? I know I have to learn to have more faith in myself and believe more in myself, self esteem is an issue for a lot of life long stay at home moms, and I am one of them.  I am sure I can work more on being present in the moment, but life today is so distracting and as an ADDer from childhood, distraction is a constant in my life !!

So, that is my rant for today. That pile of sayings just got to me I suppose !!! So, the journey continues but no more writing thoughts down that are not mine.

Now, on to finding out what I need to do next !!!