I have a plan. I needed a plan. I feel like the last few years I have been just kind of floating through. Letting life happen to me. I was not really present like I should have been.
I am present now. I decided to show up finally and figure out what I need to do to make me happy. Not what will make my husband, kids , or friends happy, but what will make ME happy. I finally got that they will be happiest when I am happy with myself. How can I make anyone else happy until I am anyway. I have said these words before and thought I really got it, but I finally do.
I am fiftty years old. I have lived a good life. I have a wonderful marriage and great kids. I like the person I am. I am just bored with myself and my life right now. I need to create and be heard and to also hear. I want to learn and be and do new things.
I want to be healthier than I have been in a very long time. I am tired of accepting decent or even okay health. I want great, wonderful , full, beautiful health !! I want to make better choices in my food and excercise. I want to feel GREAT everyday in my own skin. Wrinkles, sags, and for now, fat , and all. I will get the fat out, I will get trim and fit. But I cannot wait until then to like my body. I have to love it just the way it is. Four kids changed my metabolism and caused me to have health issues that caused great weight gain. Is it my fault I am fat ? I am not really sure. Of course I could have eaten better and made better choices, but without the knowledge of my body that I have now, I am not sure how much I could have prevented everything that happend.
I am prediabetic, have slightly high blood pressure and cholesterol. I am out of shape and unfit and just had my gallbladder removed and will probably have a tooth removed and I fought like hell to prevent both and for what ?? To keep things in my body and life that are not good anymore ?? How is that a good choice ??
No, my plan is this. To start living . Really get out and do things again. Learn every day. Spend time outside everyday, not just looking out our bedroom window from this desk at our beautiful property but get out and walk around the property. Pull weeds, plant things, do wonderful things each day. Go the nursery and walk around and pick a new plant and learn all about it. Get the hell out of the house and go do things.
I have been so bored with my life lately. I watch tv all day and waste so much time that I could spend doing constructive things.
I watched Jane Fonda on Oprah tonight and she blew my mind. I want to be like her in twenty two years. My own version of the kind of woman she is. Herself, free, h appy , and learning every day and staying very fit and active. She said so many things that really hit a cord in me. I also love to learn like her. I love documentories and shows and books that teach me and I want to learn so much. I will start to do that now.
So, that is my plan. I will start when I get up tomorrow. I will plan out time just for me. I know my grandson will want to go out, and I will take him out, but I will make sure I h ave some time for me as well. Just me and the outdoors. I do want to spend time with my little guy though and see the world through his wonderful little eyes.
I am so happy to have a plan !!!
I am still healing from surgery but I can walk and weed and look and enjoy. I can sit and listen to the sounds, watch the birds and squirels and absorb nature and the beauty I have around our own home.
I know now, that in becoming someone I love and enjoy being with, my husband and kids and friends and family will enjoy me more too. I can meet more interesting people and enjoy life so much when I am curious and happy with who I am.