New year, new start

It has been a w hile since I posted and no, I never did the 100 days of real food, lol !!

I am still in the same postion weight wise as I was at the time of my last post. I am at 253 and seriously need to get about half of me gone.

I found a wonderful blog, called Slim Down U and the author also faced a weight issue and went on to lose 125 pounds. I find her quite inspiring and realized that blogging would help me as well.

I find I am an emotional eater and it really does not matter what emotion is driving me at the time. Anger, sadness, happiness, frustration, boredom, all are feelings that drive me to eat and lets get real. When I emotionally eat, it is not carrots and celery I am eating. It is ice cream and brownies and chips and fast food. I have never been upset and said, oh, I think I am going to eat a salad. I want a fatty, sugary food to bury my emotions in.

I am not really sure why food drives me like it does. I was a very thin child, never had any real weight issues until I started having kids. I lost most of the weight with our first, Ryan, Then after Tracy got back down to around 140, not quite the 125 as I was after Ryan. Although I started at 118 before I got pregnant with him. After Nikki I never saw below 160 and after Cameron  176 was new lowest and by the time he was seven and I was 36 I was over 200 and sitting at 204 and in the 22 years since he was born, I have been as high as 257 and as low as 220 but have stayed for the last few years in the 245 to 253 range which is awful. I am grateful I did not go up even more, but I am ready to face this challenge and learn to overcome my issues with food.

I am prediabetic and on metformin to help me keep my blood sugar down, and today I was happy to see it is 95. I wish it was 95 off meds and I am not sure if the meds are the reason it is lower. But I am assuming it is. I have not been eating good enough to change my blood sugar.

My endrocrinologist says I have metobolic syndrome and that the belly fat I have causes hormonal changes in my body and that the belly fat is very differant that the fat on the rest of the body. It causes a lot of my blood sugar issues and makes it much harder to lose the weight. It causes my cholestorol to be too high and my blood pressure is up slightly too. All these situations will be gone once I lose some weight, probably only about forty or fifty of my pounds gone will probably start to reverse the health issues.

It is time to get up off my behind and walk. Excercise helps diabetes almost more t han diet, and yet, I have not done it.

So, today, I am goign to start this journey and take slow and steady steps. Walk every day, even if it is only 15 minutes and build it up. Start eating better and eliminating the  bad stuff and do not beat myself up when I make a mistake but work very hard to find a way to lose this weight AND keep it off that works for me .

So, almost two full months into this new year, I am starting my journey. I plan to be successful this time and take it day by day and be loving to myself and not beat myself up for not being good enough. I have come a long way in my thoughts about myself and I do not have, and never really did have the self hate that many overwieght people have but I have been hard on myself and would beat myself up for not doing good enough.

Most people know that positive reinforcement works better t han negitive, yet we are so negitive towards ourselves . We would never tell a friend or loved one struggling hard with weight the things we can say to  ourselves. So, I am goign to love myself through this and make sure I understand I deserve it and I can do it.

So, heres to day one and a fresh start to finding the new me !!

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