Time to be me

No, this is not a typo, I did put the  name of my blog as my post title.

I have been posting about caffiene and water and diet and all that stuff, which is important but lost the entire point for this blog, my search for me.

Another blogger I highly respect and have followed for a while is going through a similiar thing and it got me thinking again about my life and what is it I want to do. 

I love to do so many things and sometimes wonder if that is my problem in a nutshell, jack of all trades, master of none ? I do not want that to be how I live my life.

I used to have a passion for the things I loved to do. I got up with great ideas and could not wait to get started and had a hard time pulling myself away from it to do the things I had to do.

Now, I have the time but the passion seems to have fled.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy. I love my husband, kids and thier families. I am happy enough with our house, it needs a lot of work but it is a pretty house and  a nice space.

I just do not personally know what I want to do with my life. I want to have some meaning, not just get up, excist all day, doing nothing to contribute to the world, watch some mindless tv and go to bed. Although mindless tv will always be part of my life, I do love it, lol !!

I have a lot of ambitions, that is what frustrates me, and here is a list of things I want to do.

Grow a successful online jewelry business

be a successful author,

have an organized house

lost a lot of wei ght

excercise every day

have wonderful and excting blogs and websites

learn to be a  good photographer

and within each of those is a list of the things I want to do for that category. It is a lot to want to acomplish .

but most of all :

I would love to have our dream property and have all kinds of neat buildings for studios and work areas and sell the things we make from our own property. I have a couple of friends living that dream and it is something  David and I  have talked about for over twenty  years and yet here we still are in the middle of town where those dreams are not possible.  I watch those shows where people buy neat stuff and make other stuff out of it and that is what I want to do,  have wanted to do for years, but have not ever pursued it for so many reasons . I wanted to do those things before they were the popular t hing to do, before shabby chic was a term, but money, or time , or space , or all three, kept me from doing that. David too, it is his dream as well. We talk about it a lot. How can we do that here , well, we would have to add a building or two and that is expensive and then the city will only let us sell three times a year as yard sales, so it just seems  like we are  on a treadmill and never getting closer to that dream.

So, with that unavailable as an option, I am not sure what my  passion is right now. I do not feel that fire about any one thing right now. The one thing I want to do, seems impossible. We have no more space to store one more thing. We do not have the  thousands we need to build a couple of extra buildings on our property and our property is a nice s ized, but not huge.

I tell myself if I can only make a bunch of money online I can save up for the things we want to do, but maybe because of my lack of passion, nothing is selling so no money is coming in to help with our dreams.

I am willing to work so hard. I am willing to work with everything in me, but I cannot figure out what to do that will actually earn me some money to pursue the dreams.

I have heard do what you love and the money will follow, but I do not know how to do what I love when I need money to do the work to allow me to do what I love ?

Anyway. I am frustrated trying to figure it all o ut.

So, I will just keep talking and working and figure it out.  I will never give up trying to find my passion and purpose in this life !!

I guess I just have to take it one day at a time.



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