Just some random thoughts …..

 

Today I was thrilled to get some books in the mail I had  ordered last week . One being  The Art of Non- Conformity.

What an interesting book and I am barely into it.

He is talking about how we need to start living the life we want to live, not the life we are supposed to live according to what we have been taught . I guess you could say a bit of thinking outside the box, but so much more.

He brought up the statement that many people are living lives of quiet desperation and I never really got what that meant before, but I t hink I do now.

I am happy with my life. I love my husband and my kids and thier families and the life we have built, but inside, I am  far from happy with me. I get up every day and feel a bit lost. What do I want to do ? Who do I want to be, aside from the wife and mom and grandma that I am. What do I want for me ?? I do not know   yet.

I do know a few things. I want to be creative. I want to be part of the world, not just watching it from the window , ie, computer and tv, that is how most of us watch the world go by, sitting at our desks or on our sofa.

I do know I want to do something that I feel passion for, drive to do, feel fullfilled doing it and that I can do for my personal livelihood. My husband takes good care of us and works hard to support our household, but I want to contribute to our lives too through  my c reativity and hard work.

Hard work, yes. I am not afraid of it or want to avoid it. I want to work hard at something I love to do. I want to jump out of bed every morning and be excited to do something that excites my imagination and makes me feel I am contributing somehow to the world, not just my family.

I am not sure what that is and I am hoping that by reading this book and thinking about my life I will figure it out. I am tired of being bored and not having any focus in my life other than housework, and taking care of everyone. Those are important things, family is everything to me, but I need more, need to find something to bring personal happiness to myself which will overflow to my husband , kids and grandkids. I firmly believe w hen we are personally fullfilled we have more to give to those we love.

I have a wonderful husband , David , who is never anything but supportive. He wants to see me find my passion and be successful. He likes it when I have a fun day or do something intersting and is always happy for me  when I do something new I find interesting. I know he is not personally fullfilled working as a maint. mechanic in a factory, but he is proud of his skills and enjoys his time off leaving work behind. He never lets his own lack of time to create his own dreams ,  affect his positive support of my dreams.
I do think a part of my dream to be successful at something I love so I can take the pressure off of him so he can pursue his dreams too.  I would so see him do the things he has always dreamed of and so I will be honest, part of my dream is to  give him his. He supported me being a stay at  home mom when that was my passionate dream, raising our kids myself is what I wanted, and he made sure it happened, so I want to do the same for him .

The only regret I have is that during those wonderful years I was a mom and wife and let that be the sole focus  for me.  I never thought about the day when that huge job of raising  four kids would be over and I would need to find a new focus. David said to me, you did your job so well you worked yourself out of your job, what a sweet and wonderful thing to say to me.

So, now I want to find my purpose, and I know everyone uses that catch phrase.  What is my purpose and I want to live my authentic life, but it is true. It is what I want.

I want to wake up everymorning so excited and happy to get to work on what I want to do. When my husband and I have some time together on his days off, I think it will make me a more interesting and happy person to be with.  I do believe when we are personally fullfilled we can only be better at everything we do and be a better person to be around.

I was thinking about all of this and looking at our trees in  our yard. They are beautiful but they are pruned and where the branches have been cut, they do not look like they should. So, the tree is still beautiful but not as pretty as it would be if  it had not been cut to be what the people that take care of it t hink it should be. I think many of us are like that. Beautiful creations of God but have let life cut our branches so that we are not the full people we could be if we only said no, I do not want to trimmed like that, I want to grow the way I need to grow to be fullfilled and happy and beautiful . Trees cannot say that to save thier beautfiul branches from being trimmed, but we can. 

So, just some random thoughts running t hrough my head, but that is what this blog is about. I made it a place I can come and just talk about thing and figure this all out. I hope someday to have others here to interact with me, I know that is what we all need,  hearing other stories and finding a way to help each other to thier dreams.

So, finding my dream is the goal. To quote a line out of a song in the movie South Pacific, Happy Talk,

You have to have a dream, if you don’t have a dream , how  you gonna make  your  dream come true ?  Wow, simple but to the point .   So now, I  start the search for my dream so I can make it come true. That is my fervid  wish , and my ultimate goal !!!

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