I have a YouTube channel currently that is about beadwork, making beaded ornaments, jewelry, crafting and craft and jewelry hauls. It is a lot of fun, and I absolutely adore it, and my subscribers, but is not the channel I had envisioned when I started it.
I had this idea of a channel where I could share bits of my days, my life, my hopes and dreams, and things I enjoy doing, cooking, gardening and so on. Talk about my life , challenges I face and just anything I wanted.
I ended up with a lovely crafting channel with some absolutely amazing subscribers, several who have become great friends . I love my channel and could never just stop it, but I need something more.
I asked my viewers what they wanted, one channel for everything I wanted to do, or keep the one I have the same, with the same kind of content and a separate channel for vlogging. They were very supportive, some wanted separate, and some wanted one, but all of them encouraged me.
After a lot of thought, I am going to do a separate channel. I am going to use the name of this blog. I have already set it up, it just does not have any content yet. I am so excited to add this channel and look forward to exploring so many things.
What do I want to talk about on this new channel ? Let me fill you in.
Here is some back story.
When I was a child, through my late teens and into my early twenties, I was an avid artist and writer. Once I got married at 21, and had a husband and started having kids, our first one, our oldest was already born and at our wedding, he is 40 years old now, which honestly blows my mind.
So, as I got used to being married, working, having a child, and then got pregnant with our second child, she is 37 now, I stopped working and was a full time mom. I loved taking care of them and it was not long and baby number three, our youngest daughter, now 35 years old was added to the family. Another four years and our last child, who just turned 31 ,our second son was born.
So, as I adjusted to being a wife and mom, taking care of a house , and cooking and cleaning, laundry and all of that. Finding time to be creative got very hard. The kind of creating I was used to doing, was the kind where you need peace and quiet, where you are not interrupted a million times, so, you guessed it, with a family that was infinitely more important to me, and completely top priority, the writing and artwork pretty much stopped.
As the kids got older I read a lot, mostly silly romance novels that I just adored and were easy to pick up and put down . I would occasionally write a little poem, or do a little drawing, but for the most part, my artistic life was completely gone.
I learned to crochet, that helped.. I learned to do some craft type jewelry and then later some seed bead , the Native American style earrings. Other jewelry making came along as well. I learned to make felt ornaments that used seed beads and sequins that I sewed on. Those were all easy to pick up and put back down as well. So, I found a way to create, but it was vastly different from how I had created my entire life.
Up until about 8 years ago, I did not have much crafting materials. I had enough for a tall bookcase to hold. However , once I had an empty bedroom, was not taking care of kids, and had a little bit more spending money, I started filling that room up with wonderful things to craft with. I have a mini bead shop in my home and anyone who has been in this room will tell you I am not exaggerating !
I had learned how to take apart old jewelry over the years and make new stuff out of it, so I have boxes and drawers of old jewelry, bins of beads and all kinds of sequins, felt, pipe cleaners, and findings, charms and so much more.
With all of this stuff you would think I would be in creative heaven, and 25 years ago, I would have been.
I finally woke up recently and realized a few things. Things that made me want to start a channel.
I was not doing any of the things I was once passionate about.
I loved to write, but was not writing any more, other than occasional blog posts.
I loved to draw, I was not drawing anymore.
I loved to bake. I was not baking anymore.
I loved to cook, but did not enjoy cooking any more
I loved to read. I was not reading anymore.
I loved to garden but was not gardening anymore.
I had found things I loved to do. I adore sequins, and for almost 30 years I have made beaded and sequined ornaments. I started my channel showing how to make them. I have a huge collection of vintage and new sequins.
I make jewelry and really love steampunk and other unique types of jewelry.
I found I loved to collect the supplies almost more than I loved to create .
Recently I have been having trouble even doing these things.
So, what gives ?
I think you can only run from who you are supposed to be, and what you are supposed to do for so long. Once day you wake up and do not even know who you really are anymore.
I am still very happily a wife and mom, and now grandma and mother in law. My happiness in my family has never wavered. But the kids are on their own now. I have to find my own happiness and figure out what makes me tick. What makes me happy. What do I NEED to do.
I do not want to give up my channel, or the content I do there. But I need more.
I want to work on me. Figure out where I belong creatively. I have several books I started but never finished. Lots of poetry I wrote and pictures I have drawn. I look at them and wonder where I would be today if I had never stopped . How much better would I have gotten ?
I will never regret the choice to have a family, even at the sacrifice of my creativity. I just wish I could have found a way to do both. If only computers had been around when our kids were young, digital cameras, so many wonderous things now. Instagram, Facebook, TicTok, Blogs, and YouTube.
Is it to late ? Absolutely not. I am only 60, and I would feel that way if I was 95. It is never too late to start over. To reinvent yourself as my friend Cheryl put it.
The wonderful part is, I have all the wonderful benefits of my marriage and family, but now I have time. I have the time to work on what I want to work on. I have just forgotten how.
So, both here and on my new channel I am going to start figuring it out and I hope meet other women going through the same things !!!
As soon as the first video is up, I will do a post here on this blog with the link.
I am excited about this new adventure and look forward to this journey and where it takes me. I hope you will come along with me !!!