Living in Fear or choosing to live in love

Everyone is reeling from the shootings in CO this weekend. I had no idea they had happened until last night. I do not watch the news and so I had no idea such a tragedy had unfolded until I read it on my facebook page.

What a horrible story and I still do not have all the facts, just what I read others posted. I cannot imagine how terrifying something like that must be and my heart goes out to all the families involved. To lose someone you love in such a senseless and tragic way is so hard to take.

The thing that has me so concered however is the fear it is causing in everyone. I have seen posts that people do not want to go to a movie now and they are scared to go anywhere because of this. This makes me sad.

I have lived in fear a good part of my life and my own kids are the ones that have helped me to learn that I cannot live my life that way.They live thier l ives the way they want and do not let fear direct them. I am proud of them all. There is so much to be fearful of in the world, so many terrible things can happen, car accidents, food poisoning, kidnappings, and crazy people who decide to shoot innocent people. We can worry, and I have , that being in a small car is dangerous, too many large cars on the road, flying is scary, what is the plane went down, and what if a crazy person with a gun came in where I was eating or shopping or, watching a movie ? Any of those things can happen, we know it, we have seen it on the news or read about it !!

After 9/11 when everyone was terrified to fly, a gentleman was on a show, I cannot remember his name , but he was a travel expert. The show host asked him, are you afraid to fly ? He said he has never been afraid to fly because when you look at how many flights there are per day, per airport, per city per country, millions of flights are taken a year, and occasionally one goes down. He says you never hear about the millions that go right, just the one that went down. He said our odds are pretty darn good our plane will get where it is going. Wow,I had not thought about it that way.

The same can be said about this horrible shooting. There are so many theaters out there, showing so many movies, every single day. One madman in one theater did this horrible thing. Your odds of going to a movie and being safe, are pretty good.

I have read a lot and studied a lof about spirituality and one thing I have heard over and over is we can l ive in love, or live in fear. It is our choice.

I am choosing love over fear. Does this mean nothing bad will ever happen to me or my family, no, of course not. I pray hard and even though things have happened we are always okay and I trust that will continue to be the case. One thing I do believe with all my heart, is that if I choose love and let go of fear, I someone know that less fearful things will happen to me. When we hold on to fear, we send that out into the world, we attract more fearful things to us. I want to attract love, and happiness and joy into my life. That is why I refuse to watch the news. I want to be happy and if something important happens, I know I will find out about it, but there is no need for me to live each day hearing every bad thing that happens. I search for happy and uplifting stories and concentrate on those.

Like so many others, the victums of this horrible shooting and t hier families will be in my prayers. My heart goes out to each and every one of them. However , I will not allow this to c ause me to change my life or to live in fear.

There is much more good in this world than bad, and so many more good people than bad people. Concentrate on that and pray and trust and let it go. Live you life in love, not in fear. No one should have that power over you to change the way you live because of that fear. We all deserve to have love and joy and goodness in our lives. We will have bad things happen to us and those we know, but we do not have to let those things define our lives and cause us to change how we live. Treasure each day, live in joy, and trust that good is stronger than bad. living in love rather than fear is a much happier life !!

starting the journey

Tonight I was going through old poetry jounals going back  many years and was shocked at how many of my poems, and written thoughts were about finding myself, being the person I was meant to be and finding my path. Wow. Some I read were from 2000. It made me sad that for so long I have been searching and  yet never took it seriously enough to actually take steps to find out what I want to do, what exactly is my path and who am I beyond a mom and wife and grandma and so on. Who am I ? 

I think it is often hard to answer that question because for most of us that question brings up obvious answers. I am a wife, a mom, a grandma or I work at so and so, but it really does not dig deep enough. Those are importmant things, absolutely. Nothing I have ever done will ever be as important and bringing our kids into the world. I was blessed to be able to be the conduit that brought them here and I am so proud and happy I am their mother. I am grateful for David and being able to share the precious gift of parenthood with him. 

The time  has come though for us to find out what we want to do now. Our kids are on thier own, they are all doing great and are amazing people we are proud of. Now  it is our time, both as a couple and individually to start finding out what we want to do with the other half of our lives ?

As a kid and teen I drew and I wrote constantly. I loved to dance and make up dances and loved to sing. Singing I know is not my path, I cannot carry a tune in a bucket as they say. However I loved so many creative things and just did not know how to  hold on to those as I took on the new roles of wife and mommy.

I threw myself into those roles, I loved being a mom. I loved being a wife and for a long time it was enough. But eventually you do realize you cannot live for others and my adutlt kids do not  need a mommy anymore. It is finally the point where I can just be a friend , confident I did my job well and they do not need my help anymore. I sometimes tend to give it them anyway, but they are quick to let me know when I cross that line !!

So, how do you get back your passions ? How do you find that childlike wonder and joy in the things you love to do ?

i think we can have that as adults and I think we can find it when we think it is lost. But it does take work and dedication and making the choice to not be distracted by life and pulled back off that path.

I want to dance again and draw again and enjoy writing stupid poems and short stories for my own amusement. I remember those days fondly and remember  how happy I was in those hours of creating. No thoughts of expecatations, just drawing and dancing and writing for the pure joy of it.

I have found I love photography and it seems to help me with that impatient side that wants to see imediate results, something drawing and writing does not give you.  But I do miss sitting and drawing things that catch my attention and taking joy in the detail of drawing or writing  something I love.

I somehow have to find my way back. There has to be a way to balance my life as a wife, as an adult. Laundry, cooking, dishes, and so on, and my life as an artist and creator . That is my journey now.

I am excited and have a new found purpose. I am going to learn to be childlike again and just enjoy creating for creatings sake.  I just have to start that journey with one step, I have always heard that and now I get it. One step at a time , that is all it takes to start a wonderful journey !!